Who Shat on Optimus Prime!

As of lately my gripe has been the Transformers movie. For those who don't know, Michael Bay is directing the remake of the cult 80s phenomenon of Transformers.

It has been known by many that I cannot stand Michael Bay. Its something about his movies that not only bore me to new levels, but his attitude of "and your going to fucken like it" is more then obsurd.

As a childhood fan of Transformers (That is a class 2 on the nerd-o-meter, a Class 1 would quote it constantly, class 2 can identify most characters and have a wonderful childhood story of the franchise, a class 3 buys all the dvds because it faintly looks familiar but never really watches them) I enjoyed the transformers series and one christmas deeply wanted an Optimus Prime, luckly I received it. I remember where I was when I opened it, I remember what end of the box I saw first when I realized what it was and I remember the joints slowly getting weaker and the rubber taste of the tires (don't ask, but they were chewy). I am only mildly offended by the Transformer bastardization.

First I detest that Michael Bay is making this movie. Many people think that I'm taking this too personally but I have two reasons why I'm not. 1. Don't really care about Transformers much more. They were cool and I still think they kind of are. 2. I'm not on the "Oh my god he's ruining a pop icon", its more of a "He's making another movie?" soap box.

Second, the rumors, photos and interviews have all pointed at the fact that Michael Bay has changed the style of truck, color and look of Optimus Prime. This has been an especially hot topic with me and anyone who mentions the movie. I don't believe that this is outragous, but if you are making a remake of a pop culture show, you'd think you'd try to capture the original look.

My good friend Jim, who enjoys pushing my buttons by not only taking a strong stand on this, but get this, he doesn't agree with me either!

The upside of Transformers is in the distance though. Ok, its not really an upside, its more of a morbid curiosity that I see.

1. They just announced that Peter Cullen will do the voice of Optimus Prime. He was the original voice.

2. They announced that Dane Cook might be in the film. I have the feeling that when Dane Cook found out that Michael Bay was shooing Transformers he proceeded to stalk him and yell from a tree overlooking Bays bedroom "Let me be in the movie, I want to be in the movie, I can act, I can act, so help me god I will kill you Michael Bay if you don't let me be in the movie! Don't think I won't do it, I already pee'd in your Chai tea yesterday, tasted good didn't it, well it could end up tasting real bad for you Mr. Bay, I can't be stopped".

We'll see where this travesty ends up.

Ten Things I Hate About Commandments

Got this off of Chris Diclerico's site. Not as funny as the Shinning Trailer, but hilarious none the less.

South Park Emmy

South Park was nominated for an emmy this past week. The funny part, is that it was the episode about Scientology that Issac Hayes said enough is enough on and walked out on.

"Trapped in the Closet" Nominated for a Primetime Emmy!
We're very pleased to announce that the South Park episode "Trapped in the Closet" has been nominated for an emmy in the category of "Outstanding Animated Program (for Programming Less Than One Hour)"

The winners will be announced in August. Best of luck, John & Jane Smith!

What's the Point

Several years back when cable began expanding, they came up with the idea of dedicating certain channels around a specific genre. With the discuss of the Discovery Channel, MTV and QVC, the idea of a channel showing a specific genre for 18 hours was ground breaking. Channels like Comedy Central, ESPN, Cartoon Network, Lifetime, The Learning Channel all began popping up.

When the ability to expand the cable channels even more with the advent of digital cable, the library of genre specific channels grew even more. Showtime 2, HBO Comedy, Tech TV, The Gameshow Network, DIY Network, ESPN 2 and MTV 2 (because they wanted a channel exclusively dedicated to music videos and not be tainted by reality television and spring break specials. *insert punch line by turning on MTV2 now*).

Which brings me to this. Why are they programming shows on channels that have very little to do with the show they are programming. My examples thus far.

G4 TV (channel dedicated to Video Games and Technology) programs The Man Show
Cartoon Network will be programming Pee Wee Playhouse show on the Adult Swim block
The Outdoor Network programs the 2004 MGM Hotel Billiards Champions (its indoors)

I understand that you have to think outside of the box, but at least stay within concept. Even though G4 was quickly circling the drain with its "too cool for the room" reviews, and MTV style news which was usually whatever came up when they typed "news" into Google; it still was interesting to watch. Now all there is are old episodes of The Man Show, oh and don't forget Rides (a show dedicated to pimped out rides, that covers the Technology aspect of the channel, shared only with reruns of Star Trek TNG). If a station is not popular showing its line up, then change the station, don't say its the same loveable station but with something totally different. Revamp and re-sell (*cough* cough TNN *cough *cough).

I understand that television is being redefined by many aspects. In many ways we have devolved as a viewing audience. The barrage of "reality" shows that now plague the air ways (by the way, I can never type the word "plague" without double checking the spelling, thanks to Fred and Big Jim. That's another blog entry), has even been replaced to the thrill of HD. People infact decide what they will watch, not on the quality of the content, but the quality of the image. We have devolved to just watching the pretty images. So why not put girls on trampolines on G4, a former public masturbator on Cartoon Network, and an indoor sport on the Outdoor Network. Basically because thats stupid.

Jaws 3D (without Louis Gosset Jr.)

For those who follow the toy industry, many know that Todd McFarlane is the leader in action figures. The artist who created Spawn went on to create some of the most intricate action figures that have set the standard in collectible plastics.

Earlier this year he announced a line of figures that were 3D recreations of pop culture movie posters and album covers.

Normally I assumed he would do all the Metallic covers and slasher movie posters, but I was happily surprised to see that Jaws was going to be one of the first to debut.

It isn't the most amazing thing in the world, but being a big fan of the classic, its hard to find decent collectibles for Jaws. Its not like Army of Darkness that has 17 different DVDs and thousands of different action figures.

Check out Spawn.com to see many of the other plastic pieces of art out there.

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

"Man, Matt has a great since of humor and knows all the funny shows. I wish I could watch some of the funny shows he knows, but most of them are on cable."

For those who read my five part article about my personal top five shows, many know that I'm a huge fan of "Its Always Sunny in Philadelphia". They are gearing up for the second season on FX and to promote the unadulterated genius of the show they are airing episodes from Season 1 on Fox this Sunday.

The episode they are airing is a good one, not the best, but still a hilarious episode. Please watch and help weigh in on what you think.

Here's a taste of next season:

Im the Happiest/Intoxicated Boy on the Block

So I had a 2 o'clock meeting downtown and I had to waist a hour before the meeting (its a long story). After bumbing around Borders for 20 minutes, I thought, man, I am hungry.

Now where could I go to get a quick bite at 1 o'clock. No matter where I would go it would take 30 minutes to get my food, and then I would have to wolf it down. Then I realized, it only takes a minute to poor a Mug Club of Beer.

Liquid Lunch is by far the best way to do any lunch in a go. Plus, I knew I was only one visit away from receiving my next Mug Club gift.

Needless to say I'm the proud owner of a Rock Bottom Growler Cooler (actually I have an IOU, but none the less, my growlers will no longer go warm).

By the way, the meeting went really well and I'll have a growler cooler. THANK YOU LIQUID LUNCH! YOUR THE BEST!

I Want to Be a Stormtrooper When I Grow Up

For those who have recently starting reading my blog, it might not be clear, but I'm a nerd.


One thing I want to do before I die is build a custom made Storm Trooper costume. I know I will never buy one, because I truly believe it would be ridiculous to buy a Storm Trooper costume for over 1,500 dollars. I hope that some day I have a job that allows me to say, "I think I shall purchase an Imperial Stormtrooper costume this weekend." So I'll have to end up building one.

I'm sure many of you would say, sure you won't spend 1500 dollars for a costume but you will waste 100s of hours and hundreds of dollars building one. I simply respond with, yes. Its a project. A project that includes both skill and creativity, with a touch of artistic craftsmanship. Plus I can brag about it to my other nerd friends.

Some cool sites to look at are:

How to Build a Stormtrooper Costume - they also have a few other Star Wars costumes that I might use as a starter

TK409 - This guy is cool

Star Wars Helmets - A very cool comparison and good pics on Star Wars helmets and professional helmet makers

I've been doing some research and come to the conclusion that I need a team of people, a well vented work area and some money. I have a few friends that are interested in helping and a few that are interested in investing some experimental money, but I still need a vented work area.

Its almost a crazy subculture that creates and wears these things. The venues for this decor are limited. There are your scifi conventions, movie premeires , Holloween and I even saw a Storm Trooper at Miller Park (I was a little drunk but a friend assured me that there was a Storm Trooper wearing a Cheesehead at Miller Parks TGIFridays).

Great Moments in Mediocre Pool

Mr. Kilsdonk did it again this week in our weekly pool game.

This week on one of his breaks he said "I feel good about this one, I think I'll sink the 8 ball on the break."

There were nay sayers in the crowd but sure enough, the eight ball went straight for the side pocket.

For those who don't know, if you sink the 8 ball on the break you win instantly.

I've seen it done about a half dozen times, I've done it a hand full of times. I've never seen anyone call it and then actually made good on their statement. My advice is to Jeff, NEVER CALL IT AGAIN. Go with the fact that you have a 100% accuracy on the art of calling the 8 ball break. Next time you do sink the 8 ball on the break just go, "huh, didn't expect that, usually I have a feeling about the 8 ball break. Oh well. I WON!"

Huge Miscommunication or Feeble Attempt at Sweeps

"Freezing weather and severe icing claim a life on the Cornelia Marie."

That was the descripition on this weeks episode of The Deadliest Catch. The documentary series about the life on an Alaskan crab fishing boat. Its not really a reality show because there are no physical challenges obstacle courses and people don't have to get along to win the million dollars. They've talked with people who saw people die while fishing and they've talked wtih people that fell over, they even showed someone fall over once. But no matter how many ways you read the description, I was convinced that someone was goign to get it.

All week I was thinking, whose going to die, will they show it. How will it effect the show.

In the end, one of the fishermen rolled his ankle. Really hard.

How does that constitute a claiming of a life?

Anyway, I believe that either the guy at the computer who types in all the info never saw the show and either was lied to about the description for sweeps, or he took it upon him self and assumed they ment someone died.

I'm glad no one died, but if I'm told someone is going to die, someone best die.

Memorial Day

"Although no sculptured marble should rise to their memory, nor engraved stone bear record of their deeds, yet will their remembrance be as lasting as the land they honored. "

~Daniel Webster


thank you

I've always said that if you love your technology, it will love you back. So this little piece is my dedication to my technology components that, yes, I could live without, but it wouldn't be the same.

My DVR. Though I don't own you, I love you. Its a Scientific Atlanta Explorer 8000. If you read any reviews of the DVR and its brethren, you will come to the conclusion that it sucks. In many ways it does. Many are prone to overheating, harddrives breaking, and having a boot cycle that could give a commodore 128 a run for its money. But its mine and the only one I can choose through Time Warner Cable, Milwaukees monopoly for cable companies. (by the way, if you are reading this and you heard a distant yell from the north west of Milwaukee, that was thousands of people yelling at once, "at least its not Charter Cable")

Besides the fact that I can watch all my shows that I love at a drop of a remote, I can also fast forward through commercials. There are pros and cons to this and that is what the bulk of this article is about.

I do not miss a handful of commercials. I tend to smile when I see the mere glimpses of an Old Navy commercial fly by, or a commercial about foot fungus, or a poorly made commercial about explaining how an evil corporation missed a big loss by settling with some putz who was going to go with Hupey Hupey and Sons. These commercial don't appeal to me, get under my skin and gets me kicked out of most malls when I throw my Orange Julius at a manikin wearing fleece.

But I'm not anti commercial, they serve there purpose and I understand why they are there. I do however stop the old DVR for a couple of good ones. Mike's Hard Beverage, Nextel and Fruit of the Loom are quality commercials that make me chuckle. I've even been known to stop at the new Heiniken commercials just to jam out to the Pussy Cat Dolls (don't tell anyone, that's our little secret).

DVR technology is such a guilty pleasure that it can screw up your life. When I first got it I thought "Ha, Now I control my tv and not the other way around" Now its more like "Must.....watch......more........AHHH DVR TRIAGE. Who will live who will die, how can one decide, but I must make room for the A-team marathon."

The DVR is a wicked mistress and the power should be respected. One shouldn't have theirs full of episodes of Murphy Brown or American Chopper, but I believe that people shouldn't just flip through the channels and end up watching whatever is on.

So to sum things up, my DVR is wonderful. Sure it makes me feel a little less human, but at the same time, I feel a little more American.

Number 1

continued from my earlier article My Top 5 Funniest Shows

1. Scrubs
Tuesday 730pm NBC











I started watching Scrubs this season after a recommedation from a friend. I avoided the show from seeing the commercials thinking it was too off the wall. After watching this season alone, I find that I have some making up to do.

In its fifth season, Scrubs follows a group of young doctor interns trying to find their nitch in the medical field only to be stopped by personal differences, difficult patients, even more difficult doctors, and a janitor out to get them.

There is something about this show that I really enjoy. Many people might not find the humor as unique and hilarious as I do, I start to smile when the first joke hits and don't stop until the end of the show. It does have its off the wall comedy, and machine gun type dialouge, but its unique approach at moving the story and combining the plotlines of each character through J.D.s monologue is one of its greatest appeals.

In its 5 year run so far it has only won one emmy for Best Multi-Camera Picture Editing in a Series, I still find the show enjoyable. Though not for everyone, I think this show is one of the more unique comedies currently on the air.

BUT WHAT ABOUT.... AWARD!

This list was of My Top 5 Comedy Shows Currently on the Air. There are several other shows not currently on the air that I would consider to be brilliant-all-time-hilarious-shows-of-enjoyment. However, they are not on air. However there is one show that I must let everyone know about because season 2 starts up this July.

KEEP AN EYE OUT AWARD

Its Always Sunny in Philadelphia







Sundays 9pm FX
new season starts in July

I started watching Its Always Sunny in Philadelphia last year towards the tail end of the show. Somehow I got sucked into the Emmy Award winning show on FX, Rescue Me. During a commercial break they had a commercial for IASIP and I thought it was the funniest thing I saw in a long time. I had to watch, and luckily it was next up.

IASIP is about three long time friends of complete different personalities who come together and buy a small run down Irish bar in Philadelphia. There three egos fill the room as they conflict about every aspect of how the bar should be run, how each other is inferior to the next, and what is wrong with each other. A dismal premise, but skewed with charm and comedy, IASIP keeps you laughing even when the end joke is obvious.

The shows dark comedy won't appeal to everyone and at times might even deter you. To say that the eisodes are a morality tale would only be true from the point of view of the characters who twistidly spiral ethics, morals and beliefs down the drain. The characters of IASIP does have the knack of making any bad moral storyline and end up doing the right thing, and then patting themselves on the back for such an accomplishment. Wheather it be to allow underage drinking in their bar so that kids have a safe environment to drink in, to fullfilling a war heros dying request to be buried in his uniform (the uniform of a Nazi), or even wondering why their former gym teacher who is accused of child molestation, never touched them growing up ("Look at this face, your not saying I was cute enough!").

I will post when they officially announce the new season date, you are even welcome to come over and enjoy some Pizza Shuttle while I watch it on FX. Until then, try to download it somewehere, or if you ask nice enough, Kevin Neville and I will gladly act out most of the season.

Number 2

continuing from my article My Top 5 Funniest Programs

2. South Park
Wednesdays 9pm Comedy Central











Oh man, what can I say about South Park. Depending on the season and the mood I'm in, this show could easily be my number one favorite show. South Park has been scrutenized since day one by everyone for everything. I will admit that I've found many episodes to be offensive or "over the top" or "oh no you didn't" or "ah man, Tom Cruise is going to kill them!"

South Park is the show that kept Comedy Central on the air. For those who don't remember, Comedy Central use to be a premium cable channel that basically showed Saturday Night Live episodes and standup comedians from the late 70s and early 80s. Then in 96, a pair of jerks made comedic genious come from the mouths of paper children. Since then, political correctness is just a catch phrase.

I've found the last two seasons to be somewhat subpar. Only every other episode causes me to bust a gut, where as the other episodes just make me do that akward laugh. You know that laugh that you give when someone really drunk is yelling about funny their pathetic life is, but deep down they are really serious.

Every week I look forward to seeing what topic they will hit up, or what subject they will over step. When they are down for the season, I gleafully watch earlier episodes I have on my computer.

South Park isn't for everyone, but I think everyone should watch it. Someday they will make fun of you, and you will truly understand the meaning, "its only a television show" And if you are like me, you might just laugh at yourself.

Number 3

continued from my earlier article My Top 5 Funniest Shows

3. My Gym Partner is a Monkey
Friday 8pm Cartoon Network













One day at work, I took the time to watch the preshow commercials on one of our films. I saw an ad for 'My Gym Partner is a Monkey' and immediately I was intrigued. I was also angered that these useless annoying ads actually informed me of something.

'My Gym Partner is a Monkey' is about Adam Lyon gets transfered from his middle school due to a computer typo, he is sent to a middle school for zoo animals and is assigned Jake Spidermonkey as a gym partner.

As an fan of Ren and Stimpy, I find much of the humor from MGPIAM to be remenisant of this earlier classic. Its unique story lines and immature situations, give this animated show a throwback compared to what most modern animated shows are. Its a show that I easily laugh at but doesn't generate the standard situation comedy one liners that many shows do now a days. The fact that it is a cartoon it takes me back to way back (the early 90s) when I was a complete nerd, oppose to now where I seek that completeness.

Number 4

continuing from my article My Top 5 Funniest Programs

4. The Office
Thursday 830 pm NBC









Following My Name is Earl on the Thursday night line up is the US version of The Office. Many people have tried to argue with me that the BBC version of The Office is much funnier the the American version, and many believe that the American version is just a cheap rip off.

I've watched both and even though I don't work in an office type setting, I tend to relate more to the humor of the American version then the BBC. Both are very funny, and infact both are overseen by the same creators.

*beware, side note. After reading Goggins' Blog, I had to make a side note*
Many people have also complained that the humor rips off the film, Office Space. These are also the same people who quote "Looks like somebody has a case of the mondays" on Monday, thinking they are funny, but the sick true irony is that they are just as annoying as the character in the film, who thinks they are funny.
*we return to the review in progress*

Though the comedy seems forced at times, and some of the "office drama" is repetively overdone; the situations are unique as the characters. And thats a key part to good comedy, it is the people in those unique sitations and how the react. The Office, gives us a bit more with its candid interviews letting us see what the characters are thinking in the cut throat world of paper sales.

My Top 5 Funniest Programs

As of lately I've been watching more and more situation comedies since my installation of my DVR. About 10 years ago I fell out of the comedies in a time where every show was either Friends or Seinfeld, I ended up pretty much only watching cartoons and dramas that were X-Files or X-Files related.

Now in the age of DVR technology where tv doesn't control my life, I tend to spend more and more time watching television that I normally wouldn't watch or remember to find time to watch. Now I give you my list of my 5 favorite comedies currently in production.

Runner Up:
Cheap Seats
Fridays 930pm ESPN
rr Everynite, 930pm ESPN Classics










This show is not a situation comedy in the regular since, but is a practical perfect mixture of bad ESPN and MST3K.

There are two different kinds of people, those who can tell you what ESPN stands for, and those who can tell you what MST3K stands for. Cheap Seats stars Randy and Jason Sklar (most noted for being in every list show that VH1 every produced. No not the gay comedians, the two brothers). Good stuff, not great, but good stuff. If you enoy poorly produced sporting events from the 70s or 80s, or enjoy to watch the mochary of you childhood stars like John Elway Gorman Thomas; then this is the show for you.

Honorable Mention:
House, M.D.
Tuesdays 8pm FOX
syn. Friday 10pm USA










It's not a comedy but the dry sense of humor and the characterization that has formed among its ensemble has drawn me in and wanting more and more of the medical analytical babble that makes my brain shut off. Hugh Laurie plays a sinicle and even more mysterious doctor super genius, Gregory House. The dry humor is subtle enough to smother the "to cool for the room" attitude that House radiates. If you have never seen this show, you must watch 3 episodes. They really only have 3 different show formulas so if you watch 3 episodes you'll get a good feeling of the show.

And now my top 5 Comedies that are Currently Airing:

5. My Name is Earl
Thursdays 8pm NBC












Earl Hickey is a common criminal with the worst case of luck. After winning the lottery and almost being killed immediately after, he learns from the wise Carson Daily that Kharma is the reason for his bad luck. Earl and his brother set out to do good about all the bad things Earl has done in his life, so he makes a list of all the malfeasons. Though I am not a major fan of Jason Lee and on many levels, despise Jamie Pressely, the interesting situations and the perspective Earl takes to many of lifes challenges is hilarious.


I will continue my list throughout the week....... post your lists as well, I have more DVR space.

Happy Easter Everyone

My Easter Resolution is to post everyday this week.

Idiot

And I'm the fool who gave away my Ford Escort.

This guy built an authentic Luke Skywalker landspeeder from the body of a Ford Escort. Sold it on E-bay in the U.K. for 6,500 pounds (11,360.05 U.S. dollars).

I would have been the Belle of the ball.

Crazy Busy

I have been crazy busy lately. Between getting sick, the kick ass Brewer season starting, my DVR piling up, and endless fruitless work. I feel I've been neglecting my blog. It's almost to the point where I have so much to say, I don't know what to say and end up just posting a video clip as an excuse of something interesting or funny. I almost feel as if my life has become a small kitty that some one keeps sticking a hammer in its face. Just think how annoyed I would be, but yet tend to keep my cuteness to an almost vicious level. I can almost see it now.



To recap. The difficulty of life is the hammer, I am the kitty. I am vicious, but you can't help but laugh at my relentless struggle to fight it off with the pitter patter of my paws. Feel my pain, and laugh at my expense.