Great Moments in Mediocre Pool

Mr. Kilsdonk did it again this week in our weekly pool game.

This week on one of his breaks he said "I feel good about this one, I think I'll sink the 8 ball on the break."

There were nay sayers in the crowd but sure enough, the eight ball went straight for the side pocket.

For those who don't know, if you sink the 8 ball on the break you win instantly.

I've seen it done about a half dozen times, I've done it a hand full of times. I've never seen anyone call it and then actually made good on their statement. My advice is to Jeff, NEVER CALL IT AGAIN. Go with the fact that you have a 100% accuracy on the art of calling the 8 ball break. Next time you do sink the 8 ball on the break just go, "huh, didn't expect that, usually I have a feeling about the 8 ball break. Oh well. I WON!"

Huge Miscommunication or Feeble Attempt at Sweeps

"Freezing weather and severe icing claim a life on the Cornelia Marie."

That was the descripition on this weeks episode of The Deadliest Catch. The documentary series about the life on an Alaskan crab fishing boat. Its not really a reality show because there are no physical challenges obstacle courses and people don't have to get along to win the million dollars. They've talked with people who saw people die while fishing and they've talked wtih people that fell over, they even showed someone fall over once. But no matter how many ways you read the description, I was convinced that someone was goign to get it.

All week I was thinking, whose going to die, will they show it. How will it effect the show.

In the end, one of the fishermen rolled his ankle. Really hard.

How does that constitute a claiming of a life?

Anyway, I believe that either the guy at the computer who types in all the info never saw the show and either was lied to about the description for sweeps, or he took it upon him self and assumed they ment someone died.

I'm glad no one died, but if I'm told someone is going to die, someone best die.

Memorial Day

"Although no sculptured marble should rise to their memory, nor engraved stone bear record of their deeds, yet will their remembrance be as lasting as the land they honored. "

~Daniel Webster


thank you

I've always said that if you love your technology, it will love you back. So this little piece is my dedication to my technology components that, yes, I could live without, but it wouldn't be the same.

My DVR. Though I don't own you, I love you. Its a Scientific Atlanta Explorer 8000. If you read any reviews of the DVR and its brethren, you will come to the conclusion that it sucks. In many ways it does. Many are prone to overheating, harddrives breaking, and having a boot cycle that could give a commodore 128 a run for its money. But its mine and the only one I can choose through Time Warner Cable, Milwaukees monopoly for cable companies. (by the way, if you are reading this and you heard a distant yell from the north west of Milwaukee, that was thousands of people yelling at once, "at least its not Charter Cable")

Besides the fact that I can watch all my shows that I love at a drop of a remote, I can also fast forward through commercials. There are pros and cons to this and that is what the bulk of this article is about.

I do not miss a handful of commercials. I tend to smile when I see the mere glimpses of an Old Navy commercial fly by, or a commercial about foot fungus, or a poorly made commercial about explaining how an evil corporation missed a big loss by settling with some putz who was going to go with Hupey Hupey and Sons. These commercial don't appeal to me, get under my skin and gets me kicked out of most malls when I throw my Orange Julius at a manikin wearing fleece.

But I'm not anti commercial, they serve there purpose and I understand why they are there. I do however stop the old DVR for a couple of good ones. Mike's Hard Beverage, Nextel and Fruit of the Loom are quality commercials that make me chuckle. I've even been known to stop at the new Heiniken commercials just to jam out to the Pussy Cat Dolls (don't tell anyone, that's our little secret).

DVR technology is such a guilty pleasure that it can screw up your life. When I first got it I thought "Ha, Now I control my tv and not the other way around" Now its more like "Must.....watch......more........AHHH DVR TRIAGE. Who will live who will die, how can one decide, but I must make room for the A-team marathon."

The DVR is a wicked mistress and the power should be respected. One shouldn't have theirs full of episodes of Murphy Brown or American Chopper, but I believe that people shouldn't just flip through the channels and end up watching whatever is on.

So to sum things up, my DVR is wonderful. Sure it makes me feel a little less human, but at the same time, I feel a little more American.

Number 1

continued from my earlier article My Top 5 Funniest Shows

1. Scrubs
Tuesday 730pm NBC











I started watching Scrubs this season after a recommedation from a friend. I avoided the show from seeing the commercials thinking it was too off the wall. After watching this season alone, I find that I have some making up to do.

In its fifth season, Scrubs follows a group of young doctor interns trying to find their nitch in the medical field only to be stopped by personal differences, difficult patients, even more difficult doctors, and a janitor out to get them.

There is something about this show that I really enjoy. Many people might not find the humor as unique and hilarious as I do, I start to smile when the first joke hits and don't stop until the end of the show. It does have its off the wall comedy, and machine gun type dialouge, but its unique approach at moving the story and combining the plotlines of each character through J.D.s monologue is one of its greatest appeals.

In its 5 year run so far it has only won one emmy for Best Multi-Camera Picture Editing in a Series, I still find the show enjoyable. Though not for everyone, I think this show is one of the more unique comedies currently on the air.

BUT WHAT ABOUT.... AWARD!

This list was of My Top 5 Comedy Shows Currently on the Air. There are several other shows not currently on the air that I would consider to be brilliant-all-time-hilarious-shows-of-enjoyment. However, they are not on air. However there is one show that I must let everyone know about because season 2 starts up this July.

KEEP AN EYE OUT AWARD

Its Always Sunny in Philadelphia







Sundays 9pm FX
new season starts in July

I started watching Its Always Sunny in Philadelphia last year towards the tail end of the show. Somehow I got sucked into the Emmy Award winning show on FX, Rescue Me. During a commercial break they had a commercial for IASIP and I thought it was the funniest thing I saw in a long time. I had to watch, and luckily it was next up.

IASIP is about three long time friends of complete different personalities who come together and buy a small run down Irish bar in Philadelphia. There three egos fill the room as they conflict about every aspect of how the bar should be run, how each other is inferior to the next, and what is wrong with each other. A dismal premise, but skewed with charm and comedy, IASIP keeps you laughing even when the end joke is obvious.

The shows dark comedy won't appeal to everyone and at times might even deter you. To say that the eisodes are a morality tale would only be true from the point of view of the characters who twistidly spiral ethics, morals and beliefs down the drain. The characters of IASIP does have the knack of making any bad moral storyline and end up doing the right thing, and then patting themselves on the back for such an accomplishment. Wheather it be to allow underage drinking in their bar so that kids have a safe environment to drink in, to fullfilling a war heros dying request to be buried in his uniform (the uniform of a Nazi), or even wondering why their former gym teacher who is accused of child molestation, never touched them growing up ("Look at this face, your not saying I was cute enough!").

I will post when they officially announce the new season date, you are even welcome to come over and enjoy some Pizza Shuttle while I watch it on FX. Until then, try to download it somewehere, or if you ask nice enough, Kevin Neville and I will gladly act out most of the season.

Number 2

continuing from my article My Top 5 Funniest Programs

2. South Park
Wednesdays 9pm Comedy Central











Oh man, what can I say about South Park. Depending on the season and the mood I'm in, this show could easily be my number one favorite show. South Park has been scrutenized since day one by everyone for everything. I will admit that I've found many episodes to be offensive or "over the top" or "oh no you didn't" or "ah man, Tom Cruise is going to kill them!"

South Park is the show that kept Comedy Central on the air. For those who don't remember, Comedy Central use to be a premium cable channel that basically showed Saturday Night Live episodes and standup comedians from the late 70s and early 80s. Then in 96, a pair of jerks made comedic genious come from the mouths of paper children. Since then, political correctness is just a catch phrase.

I've found the last two seasons to be somewhat subpar. Only every other episode causes me to bust a gut, where as the other episodes just make me do that akward laugh. You know that laugh that you give when someone really drunk is yelling about funny their pathetic life is, but deep down they are really serious.

Every week I look forward to seeing what topic they will hit up, or what subject they will over step. When they are down for the season, I gleafully watch earlier episodes I have on my computer.

South Park isn't for everyone, but I think everyone should watch it. Someday they will make fun of you, and you will truly understand the meaning, "its only a television show" And if you are like me, you might just laugh at yourself.

Number 3

continued from my earlier article My Top 5 Funniest Shows

3. My Gym Partner is a Monkey
Friday 8pm Cartoon Network













One day at work, I took the time to watch the preshow commercials on one of our films. I saw an ad for 'My Gym Partner is a Monkey' and immediately I was intrigued. I was also angered that these useless annoying ads actually informed me of something.

'My Gym Partner is a Monkey' is about Adam Lyon gets transfered from his middle school due to a computer typo, he is sent to a middle school for zoo animals and is assigned Jake Spidermonkey as a gym partner.

As an fan of Ren and Stimpy, I find much of the humor from MGPIAM to be remenisant of this earlier classic. Its unique story lines and immature situations, give this animated show a throwback compared to what most modern animated shows are. Its a show that I easily laugh at but doesn't generate the standard situation comedy one liners that many shows do now a days. The fact that it is a cartoon it takes me back to way back (the early 90s) when I was a complete nerd, oppose to now where I seek that completeness.

Number 4

continuing from my article My Top 5 Funniest Programs

4. The Office
Thursday 830 pm NBC









Following My Name is Earl on the Thursday night line up is the US version of The Office. Many people have tried to argue with me that the BBC version of The Office is much funnier the the American version, and many believe that the American version is just a cheap rip off.

I've watched both and even though I don't work in an office type setting, I tend to relate more to the humor of the American version then the BBC. Both are very funny, and infact both are overseen by the same creators.

*beware, side note. After reading Goggins' Blog, I had to make a side note*
Many people have also complained that the humor rips off the film, Office Space. These are also the same people who quote "Looks like somebody has a case of the mondays" on Monday, thinking they are funny, but the sick true irony is that they are just as annoying as the character in the film, who thinks they are funny.
*we return to the review in progress*

Though the comedy seems forced at times, and some of the "office drama" is repetively overdone; the situations are unique as the characters. And thats a key part to good comedy, it is the people in those unique sitations and how the react. The Office, gives us a bit more with its candid interviews letting us see what the characters are thinking in the cut throat world of paper sales.

My Top 5 Funniest Programs

As of lately I've been watching more and more situation comedies since my installation of my DVR. About 10 years ago I fell out of the comedies in a time where every show was either Friends or Seinfeld, I ended up pretty much only watching cartoons and dramas that were X-Files or X-Files related.

Now in the age of DVR technology where tv doesn't control my life, I tend to spend more and more time watching television that I normally wouldn't watch or remember to find time to watch. Now I give you my list of my 5 favorite comedies currently in production.

Runner Up:
Cheap Seats
Fridays 930pm ESPN
rr Everynite, 930pm ESPN Classics










This show is not a situation comedy in the regular since, but is a practical perfect mixture of bad ESPN and MST3K.

There are two different kinds of people, those who can tell you what ESPN stands for, and those who can tell you what MST3K stands for. Cheap Seats stars Randy and Jason Sklar (most noted for being in every list show that VH1 every produced. No not the gay comedians, the two brothers). Good stuff, not great, but good stuff. If you enoy poorly produced sporting events from the 70s or 80s, or enjoy to watch the mochary of you childhood stars like John Elway Gorman Thomas; then this is the show for you.

Honorable Mention:
House, M.D.
Tuesdays 8pm FOX
syn. Friday 10pm USA










It's not a comedy but the dry sense of humor and the characterization that has formed among its ensemble has drawn me in and wanting more and more of the medical analytical babble that makes my brain shut off. Hugh Laurie plays a sinicle and even more mysterious doctor super genius, Gregory House. The dry humor is subtle enough to smother the "to cool for the room" attitude that House radiates. If you have never seen this show, you must watch 3 episodes. They really only have 3 different show formulas so if you watch 3 episodes you'll get a good feeling of the show.

And now my top 5 Comedies that are Currently Airing:

5. My Name is Earl
Thursdays 8pm NBC












Earl Hickey is a common criminal with the worst case of luck. After winning the lottery and almost being killed immediately after, he learns from the wise Carson Daily that Kharma is the reason for his bad luck. Earl and his brother set out to do good about all the bad things Earl has done in his life, so he makes a list of all the malfeasons. Though I am not a major fan of Jason Lee and on many levels, despise Jamie Pressely, the interesting situations and the perspective Earl takes to many of lifes challenges is hilarious.


I will continue my list throughout the week....... post your lists as well, I have more DVR space.

Happy Easter Everyone

My Easter Resolution is to post everyday this week.

Idiot

And I'm the fool who gave away my Ford Escort.

This guy built an authentic Luke Skywalker landspeeder from the body of a Ford Escort. Sold it on E-bay in the U.K. for 6,500 pounds (11,360.05 U.S. dollars).

I would have been the Belle of the ball.

Crazy Busy

I have been crazy busy lately. Between getting sick, the kick ass Brewer season starting, my DVR piling up, and endless fruitless work. I feel I've been neglecting my blog. It's almost to the point where I have so much to say, I don't know what to say and end up just posting a video clip as an excuse of something interesting or funny. I almost feel as if my life has become a small kitty that some one keeps sticking a hammer in its face. Just think how annoyed I would be, but yet tend to keep my cuteness to an almost vicious level. I can almost see it now.



To recap. The difficulty of life is the hammer, I am the kitty. I am vicious, but you can't help but laugh at my relentless struggle to fight it off with the pitter patter of my paws. Feel my pain, and laugh at my expense.

It Will Knock You Back On Your Coal Minning Asses

Many people are unaware that I'm a chosen prophet for Heatvision and Jack. It is my mission to make sure everyone sees Heatvision and Jack.

Heatvision and Jack was a pilot written by Milwaukees own Rob Schrab and Dan Harmon. These two comedic geniuses met up with a fairly unknown comic Ben Stiller and shot the pilot for what would have been a great series called Heatvision and Jack.

The story is about Nasa Astronaut Jack Austin (Jack Black) who got too close to the sun, making his brain (which works much like cookie dough) expand to become the smartest man in the world. Knowing that Nasa would not allow the world to know what happened to him he escapes. After being hit with an experimental Nasa ray, Jacks unemployed roommate (Owen Wilson)becomes melded with his motorcylce becoming Heatvision. Together Heatvision and Jack try to escape Ron Silver (himself), a talented actor and a Nasa trained killer, running for their lives, blocked at every turn, by adventure.

Spread the good word of HVAJ and let the world know about it. The series was not picked up by NBC or Fox 8 years ago, but HVAJ live on winning awards at film festivals and even rumors of a full length movie happening. Enjoy

I give you what you want.

New Car (well to me at least)

I purchased a new car this week, and I went with a used 2001 Ford Taurus. I like it, its in pristine condition and is very comfortable for me.

I hope I get many miles out of it. I'm making a promise to keep it extremely clean and not let it go to shit like my last car.

Chuck Norris

After Kitzke saw this video, he died. Only to have Chuck Norris come in and revive him with a kiss.



Chuck Norris Facts

There Will Be No Chef Aid

I recently heard that Issac Hayes will be leaving South Park. When I first heard this I yelled back, "What!". The person explained, "He's leaving because he's too offened by South Park"
I yelled back "Its South Park! He was always offended by them! Why now!"
The person shook his head "I don't know." I sipped my beer, "Well, they gave him back his career, I guess that's grounds for seperation." My friend lifted his glass, "true, I like Issac Hayes now too since South Park"

After further internet investigating I found that Issac Hayes is a scientologist and after the debut of the "Trapped in the Closet" episode, Issac Hayes called Matt Stone and Trey Paker religous bigots. I simply respond, "It's South Park!"

Trey Parker explained in a recent interview that South Park had poked fun on Muslims, Christians, Mormons and I believe in one episode the Jewish religion was brought up, but they always stayed clear of Scientology because they new Issac was a Scientologist and they thought he was cool. Well this last season they went up to Isaac and said, its got to happen, they have to do something to Scientology. I respond with, of course, because "Its South Park!"

Matt Stone says:
This has nothing to do with intolerance and bigotry and everything to do with the fact that Isaac Hayes is a Scientologist and that we recently featured Scientology in an episode of 'South Park.' In ten years and over 150 episodes of 'South Park,' Isaac never had a problem with the show making fun of Christians, Muslims, Mormons and Jews. He got a sudden case of religious sensitivity when it was his religion featured on the show. To bring the civil rights struggle into this is just a non-sequiter. Of course we will release Isaac from his contract and we wish him well.

But the boys of South Park aren't dead and won't kill off one of their more popular characters. Chef will return in yet another season. All of his dialouge will be taken from previous episodes and rehashed for our enjoyment. Seeing that they were recorded within his contract there doesn't seem to be any further action from the Hayes Camp, but I'm sure South Park will cross the line somewhere to get us to say, "damn". And do you know why I know this, because its South Park! and thats what they do.

My Car

Well for those of you who don't know, my car is practically dead. Infact, I should know the doctors verdict tomorrow. Doesn't look good. Terminal.

To say I loved my ford escort would be an understatement. My ford escort helped me do great things, drove me all over this state going to theatres and fixing things. Got into some close calls with my Escort and had many more memorible victories. The best way to say I loved my car would be compare the love that Ike had for Tina. It made me do it to it because I loved it.

Now I call upon my readers (both of you), to help me make a decision. My options are to get a Ford Focus (new) or a used car. I really need other peoples input on this one. If I new cars like I know movies, I wouldn't have "Iked" up my last car. I want my next car to be right. Love is more then a second hand emotion and I don't mean the back of the hand. My options are.

1. Brand New Ford Focus
2. Used car
3. Any other kind of new car for under 13,000

What will be my next car. Your input is needed.

Nachooooooo

I like toast.

This is one of the few movies I'm looking forward to. I have high hopes for this one and believe it will not be a one joke wonder.

Survivorman

I found this new series on the Science Channel (a subchannel of Discovery), Survivorman. The premise is man overcomes nature in everyday situations against all odds. Les Stroud (teacher, musician and filmmaker) takes us into many different climates and shows us how to survive in "everyday" situations. While dirt biking in the desert, you dirt bike breaks. While flying a commuter plane in the Canadian north, you crash. While sailing in the great deep blue, your boat sinks. Uncommon situations at any given time that calls for ones survival.

My interest in the subject matter was instantaneous. Man against nature has always appealed to me, and the feeling of what accomplishment it would be to survive in unfamiliar climates and environments is very appealing. The term "roughing it"is far beyond tents and sleeping bags.

The show starts off by explaining to us what the situation is, dirt biking gone bad in the desert. Then we get a brief history of the environment and what supplies Les is left with. Usually he is given clothes, bottle of water and a multitool. In the dirt biking episode, he is also left the broken dirt bike to salvage.

After this the camera crew leaves and he is left to survive for 7 days to accomplish a goal (get to a check point or find civilization), survive and document everything. At this point the production crew leaves him with not only what he has been given but two cameras and a weeks worth of batteries and tapes.

The show goes on, day by day as Les talks to us in a mixture of diary and instructional video on how to survive and how he is surviving. The show is more then interesting and appealing, but amazing how Les has to shoot the whole thing by himself. He continues to explain how he has to set up the camera, walk down the path, then come back for the camera. Many of the small tricks and skills to survive are scattered between Les critiques of how he is doing.

I have watched 3 of the 9 episodes that have been aired and my interest is dwindling. Though if find the settings beautiful and motivates me to get off the beaten path, the show is more of a "how awesome I am" feel to it.

Les spends as much time explaining how hard it is to setup the cameras for survival that we begin not to think, how is he going to survive, but how is he going to document him surviving. It becomes more about him then the actual situations. It is understandable that he is the only character and in fact the only subject matter, but the way he over dramatizes many subtle situations and talks in a candid matter about obscure survival skills, you almost root against him.

However, in a world of bad reality television and far and few decent sitcoms, Survivorman is interesting and gets me motivated to get off the beaten path this summer.

Transparent Monitors

I have always thought this trick is cool. The simplicity of it all is what I like, its a simple trick done with some time and lighting that can either look really good, or really bad.


Lots of people have been posting the Transparent Monitor for a while and I found a list of some good ones. Enjoy and get a good laugh.