It Will Knock You Back On Your Coal Minning Asses

Many people are unaware that I'm a chosen prophet for Heatvision and Jack. It is my mission to make sure everyone sees Heatvision and Jack.

Heatvision and Jack was a pilot written by Milwaukees own Rob Schrab and Dan Harmon. These two comedic geniuses met up with a fairly unknown comic Ben Stiller and shot the pilot for what would have been a great series called Heatvision and Jack.

The story is about Nasa Astronaut Jack Austin (Jack Black) who got too close to the sun, making his brain (which works much like cookie dough) expand to become the smartest man in the world. Knowing that Nasa would not allow the world to know what happened to him he escapes. After being hit with an experimental Nasa ray, Jacks unemployed roommate (Owen Wilson)becomes melded with his motorcylce becoming Heatvision. Together Heatvision and Jack try to escape Ron Silver (himself), a talented actor and a Nasa trained killer, running for their lives, blocked at every turn, by adventure.

Spread the good word of HVAJ and let the world know about it. The series was not picked up by NBC or Fox 8 years ago, but HVAJ live on winning awards at film festivals and even rumors of a full length movie happening. Enjoy

I give you what you want.

New Car (well to me at least)

I purchased a new car this week, and I went with a used 2001 Ford Taurus. I like it, its in pristine condition and is very comfortable for me.

I hope I get many miles out of it. I'm making a promise to keep it extremely clean and not let it go to shit like my last car.

Chuck Norris

After Kitzke saw this video, he died. Only to have Chuck Norris come in and revive him with a kiss.



Chuck Norris Facts

There Will Be No Chef Aid

I recently heard that Issac Hayes will be leaving South Park. When I first heard this I yelled back, "What!". The person explained, "He's leaving because he's too offened by South Park"
I yelled back "Its South Park! He was always offended by them! Why now!"
The person shook his head "I don't know." I sipped my beer, "Well, they gave him back his career, I guess that's grounds for seperation." My friend lifted his glass, "true, I like Issac Hayes now too since South Park"

After further internet investigating I found that Issac Hayes is a scientologist and after the debut of the "Trapped in the Closet" episode, Issac Hayes called Matt Stone and Trey Paker religous bigots. I simply respond, "It's South Park!"

Trey Parker explained in a recent interview that South Park had poked fun on Muslims, Christians, Mormons and I believe in one episode the Jewish religion was brought up, but they always stayed clear of Scientology because they new Issac was a Scientologist and they thought he was cool. Well this last season they went up to Isaac and said, its got to happen, they have to do something to Scientology. I respond with, of course, because "Its South Park!"

Matt Stone says:
This has nothing to do with intolerance and bigotry and everything to do with the fact that Isaac Hayes is a Scientologist and that we recently featured Scientology in an episode of 'South Park.' In ten years and over 150 episodes of 'South Park,' Isaac never had a problem with the show making fun of Christians, Muslims, Mormons and Jews. He got a sudden case of religious sensitivity when it was his religion featured on the show. To bring the civil rights struggle into this is just a non-sequiter. Of course we will release Isaac from his contract and we wish him well.

But the boys of South Park aren't dead and won't kill off one of their more popular characters. Chef will return in yet another season. All of his dialouge will be taken from previous episodes and rehashed for our enjoyment. Seeing that they were recorded within his contract there doesn't seem to be any further action from the Hayes Camp, but I'm sure South Park will cross the line somewhere to get us to say, "damn". And do you know why I know this, because its South Park! and thats what they do.

My Car

Well for those of you who don't know, my car is practically dead. Infact, I should know the doctors verdict tomorrow. Doesn't look good. Terminal.

To say I loved my ford escort would be an understatement. My ford escort helped me do great things, drove me all over this state going to theatres and fixing things. Got into some close calls with my Escort and had many more memorible victories. The best way to say I loved my car would be compare the love that Ike had for Tina. It made me do it to it because I loved it.

Now I call upon my readers (both of you), to help me make a decision. My options are to get a Ford Focus (new) or a used car. I really need other peoples input on this one. If I new cars like I know movies, I wouldn't have "Iked" up my last car. I want my next car to be right. Love is more then a second hand emotion and I don't mean the back of the hand. My options are.

1. Brand New Ford Focus
2. Used car
3. Any other kind of new car for under 13,000

What will be my next car. Your input is needed.

Nachooooooo

I like toast.

This is one of the few movies I'm looking forward to. I have high hopes for this one and believe it will not be a one joke wonder.

Survivorman

I found this new series on the Science Channel (a subchannel of Discovery), Survivorman. The premise is man overcomes nature in everyday situations against all odds. Les Stroud (teacher, musician and filmmaker) takes us into many different climates and shows us how to survive in "everyday" situations. While dirt biking in the desert, you dirt bike breaks. While flying a commuter plane in the Canadian north, you crash. While sailing in the great deep blue, your boat sinks. Uncommon situations at any given time that calls for ones survival.

My interest in the subject matter was instantaneous. Man against nature has always appealed to me, and the feeling of what accomplishment it would be to survive in unfamiliar climates and environments is very appealing. The term "roughing it"is far beyond tents and sleeping bags.

The show starts off by explaining to us what the situation is, dirt biking gone bad in the desert. Then we get a brief history of the environment and what supplies Les is left with. Usually he is given clothes, bottle of water and a multitool. In the dirt biking episode, he is also left the broken dirt bike to salvage.

After this the camera crew leaves and he is left to survive for 7 days to accomplish a goal (get to a check point or find civilization), survive and document everything. At this point the production crew leaves him with not only what he has been given but two cameras and a weeks worth of batteries and tapes.

The show goes on, day by day as Les talks to us in a mixture of diary and instructional video on how to survive and how he is surviving. The show is more then interesting and appealing, but amazing how Les has to shoot the whole thing by himself. He continues to explain how he has to set up the camera, walk down the path, then come back for the camera. Many of the small tricks and skills to survive are scattered between Les critiques of how he is doing.

I have watched 3 of the 9 episodes that have been aired and my interest is dwindling. Though if find the settings beautiful and motivates me to get off the beaten path, the show is more of a "how awesome I am" feel to it.

Les spends as much time explaining how hard it is to setup the cameras for survival that we begin not to think, how is he going to survive, but how is he going to document him surviving. It becomes more about him then the actual situations. It is understandable that he is the only character and in fact the only subject matter, but the way he over dramatizes many subtle situations and talks in a candid matter about obscure survival skills, you almost root against him.

However, in a world of bad reality television and far and few decent sitcoms, Survivorman is interesting and gets me motivated to get off the beaten path this summer.

Transparent Monitors

I have always thought this trick is cool. The simplicity of it all is what I like, its a simple trick done with some time and lighting that can either look really good, or really bad.


Lots of people have been posting the Transparent Monitor for a while and I found a list of some good ones. Enjoy and get a good laugh.

If History has Taught us Anything

Recently, Digital Playground, has announced that they will be releasing their product in Blu Ray oppose to HD-DVD.

For those who don't know (Including myself), I have been told that Digital Playground is a large producer of adult entertainment (well I never), infact one of the larger distributors of Adult Entertainment DVDs (and yet I've never heard of them, hmm).

Many people aren't aware that we are in yet another media war. Like the wars in the past, this one is two opposing formats on the verge of colliding to decide who will be the victor. Many are aware that Beta was beaten out by the inferior VHS due to the adult entertainments decision to go VHS. Many would say the viability of the internet would not be as strong without adult entertainment, and I tend to agree that anytime the adult industry dips their fingers in something (absolutely no pun intended, but yet I giggle) it sticks (ok, now I'm laughing).

With the Blu Ray vs HD-DVD battle raging on, the fact that one of the kings in Adult Entertainment Video is going Blu Ray is a triumph. Mind you a triumph that probably won't be used by the Best Buy sales staff when you ask, "Which is better Blu Ray or HD-DVD"

The Intimidator!

Monday night, in the midst of our drunken pool playing, we talked about stepping up our skillz (with a Z) to twice a week. In the morning I went to the McDermott website to check on prices to modify my cue.

I truly believe McDermott cues are some of the finest pool cues made. I also believe this because they are made right here in Wisconsin since 1975. I was given a McDermott cue for Christmas a couple years back and hold it high as not only one of the finest gifts I’ve received, but one of my prized properties. Though it was a gift and I treasure it, I wanted to add some weight to it seeing that I prefer a heavier cue. While perusing the site I found one of McDermott’s Press Releases from earlier this year, it announced the Intimidator. One of the most expensive pool cues ever made.

Going a mere 150,000 dollars, the Intimidator is a hand crafted pool cue formed from an 82 pound stainless steel, dawned with Obsidian gemstones and 25K gold. Did I mention it has blades like a Celtic war axe? Yeah.

The thing that amazes me even more besides the outrageous look and price, it’s the weight. Remember how I said I preferred a heavier cue, and was looking to modify mine to have more weight? 20 oz is considered pretty heavy for a cue, and I like about 25 oz. The Intimidator weighs 9.25 pounds.

Many people would agree that this cue is more for decoration as a status symbol then a workable cue. But quite honestly, can you even play with a cue that has a battle axe in the butt and almost 10 pounds of steal. You should be able to play at least one decent game with the worlds most expensive cue. Next time I go to the McDermott store I'll ask to take the Intimidator for a spin.

Monday Night Pool

Every Monday night I go to Landmark Lanes on the east side and play pool with a couple of friends. Couple weeks ago I was fortunate enough to almost run the table, and missed it by burying the cue ball behind a solid, blocking my shot from the 8 ball. Disappointing, but still very satisfying.

Last night when we were partnered off, my partner, Jeff Kilsdonk, fulfilled what I couldn't do. After his break he proceeded to run the whole table, shot by shot, ball by ball and we won. It was amazing and we won that series.

Congrats to Jeff and it was awesome to witness. I know I have to bring my 'A' game when he's not my partner, and I can half ass it when he is.

Go Crew Go

This will truly be a great year for the Milwaukee Brewers. Yes many say, baseball died in the fast pace world of todays modern adolecent, but I say Neh. Neh I say!

In honor of the Crew's pre-banner-season, a couple of us have formed a Milwaukee Brewers Blog. We will voice many of our opinions and rants, but most of the time we will praise and chart our favorite teams road to victory. Please visit.

http://www.gocrew.blogspot.com/

It will also be featured on the side bar.

How Many Hog heads to the gallon?

I'm the kind of person who knows useless knowledge but sometimes lack "common knowledge". For instance, I don't know how many hog heads are in a gallon, or the prefix codes for Quam, or the proper flag signals for an industrial crane. I tell you, it can be almost embarrasing in certain circles.

One night while watching Mythbusters, Jamie, one of the hosts, mentioned the little black book that should be in everyones tool box. It was called 'The Pocket Ref'. It contains endless amounts of useful information and rounded out with "useless" info. Perfect for anyone from engineers/technicians in various fields to Alcaholics sitting on a bar stool arguing about the weight of Carbon (sounds like my average workday).

I bought one at Borders (despite going on the web and their website saying they were out of stock, the person at the desk saying they had one copy in General Fitness, and the person who showed me where it was saying "that has nothing to do with refereering") for only 12 bucks. I've had it only a few weeks now and have used it on quite a few occasions.

I like to say its a book that contains everything you should know, but don't have the time to remember, and a book you must have near you when you don't have access to the internet (i.e. a barstool). Go to your local book store and buy yourself a copy. Its priced right and is a fun page turner.

Mario Bros. LIVE on stage

This is a video I found while browsing around Google Video. Its a bit long and gets repetitive, but I couldn't help but watch the whole thing.

I like to think that these 4 kids were social outcasts in High School until the day of the talent show when they put this bit on and became the coolest kids for a day. The next day they were casted out once again.

Peter Benchley Dies

On Saturday morning Peter Benchley (author of the book 'Jaws') died at the age of 65. Many people would say he wasn't that good of an author, and many say that Spielberg changed the book so much that you almost can't compare the two. I say he was a great pulp author and a great man who did good things with his popularity.

I don't know about you but I'm going to pop in one of my 5 copies of Jaws in the DVD player or VCR (yes I still own one) in memory of him, or I'll actually finish his book "The Island" (no connection with Michael Bays waste of emulsion)

Pirates of the Caribbean 2 Meeting Notes

Producer: "Remember that scene in the first Pirates where Jonny Depp had that really kick ass intricate sword fight with Orlando Bloom?"

Director: "Yeah"

Producer: "Remember how we said it was too long and silly?"

Director: "Yeah"

Producer: "Well people ended up really liking it, so we want you to have another sword fight in the sequel."

Director: "hmm"

Producer: "Yeah, except having them in some spinning apparatus rolling down a hill and have shit hitting them and going all over the place, you know stuff like that. I want our Peter Jackson Bronto scene but in a Pirates sword fight way"

Director: "hmmm, so make it even longer and sillier"

Producer: "Fuck yes."

Hecklers Not Close Enough

This year, right field at Miller Park will look different. A new picnic area has been installed next to the away teams bull pen. In a motif that resembles a make-shift concentration camp, fans can get up close and personal with the opposing team with only a chain link fence seperating them. If that wasn't enough, they also furnished a large plexi glass window over looking the visitors bull pen, perfect for making "squishy faces" or even mooning your favorite opponent. Retaliation will not be a problem, seeing that Miller Park will be giving every visitor a Brewers replica batting helmet.

Many say with a price tag between 39 and 69, it will only attract the sophisticated rich, so none of the before mentioned will happen. As a frequent visitor to the suites and box seats, those people are the worst. They tend to lack not only knowledge of the team and sport, but the class to be in public. Don't even get me started on their offspring.

If I was asked if this was a good idea, I would consider it. If they said, "We are going to get rid of our manual scoreboard which is a classic throw back to the sports beginings, that we have preserved in our stadium of the future to remind us of our roots." I would laugh hard, take a sip of water, wipe away the forming tear from laughing and look up to see a group of serious faces staring at me. And thats exactly what they did.

Now to not sound like a hypocrite, I will consider going to the pen before I stand thouroughly behind my statement. I have seen it in the outfield under construction during my visits to TGIFridays this winter. The fact that the price is all inclusive for food and drink is very appealing, I just don't believe the cost of a manual scoreboard in right field is wise. Even though many say it will be a delightful experience to take the family or coworkers out to.

I don't want to hear marketing people's take on this, or how its in other stadiums, or how the chances of getting an Home Run ball are estounding when you sit in the "Dog Pen" (thats my name for it), I want to hear what Jeremy Burnitz thinks on April 3rd.

Oprah Feels Duped, again

Last year during Oprah Winfrey’s “Teachers are Great” episode, Oprah showered her teacher guests with extravagant gifts. Oprah chooses only the best of select items she discovered during that year. One of the things she found was Christianity, and instantly felt it to be the greatest religion ever. Everyone in the audience got a complimentary baptismal. “At first I wasn’t sure, being a devoted Jew, but its Oprah” Tammy Shaumstein (28, Chicago Illinois) “In fact it was the only gift she gave where I could afford the tax on it.”

Oprah believed the book The Bible, was an awe-inspiring book that both touched her and made her see and understand things she not only already knew, but knew were great.

After watching a recent History channel special, Oprah Winfrey (famous talk show host) learned that there are flaws in the accuracy of the popular book the Bible. At first she contested it, believing that the writings of the apostles were transcribed from the voice of god. But eventually outside organizations and other blogs convinced her, she was duped.

This Week on Oprah, Oprah Winfrey invited Jesus on the show to call him out. In front of her studio full of followers, she apologized for leading them astray and duping them. Jesus explained that yes a few of the stories were embellished but the meaning and underlining story is true. The idea is true. When Oprah read a part of the book about turning water into wine and asked Jesus to perform this “miracle”, Jesus paused, and explained “the idea was that we could…..” “Idea Jesus, you mean lie.”

The interview went on and during the commercial breaks, one could see that Oprah was not only sad, but frustrated that she believed the Bible was fact. During most commercial breaks you can see the joy in her as she continues talk with her guest, none of this warm banter was shared with her algid/former savior.

Jesus had no defense to the accusations or proof that contested what many blogs have scientifically investigated; he only apologized to Oprah and her followers, apologized for their soul. The crowd booed.

Quote of the Moment

"The first song that I heard is 'Rock You Like a Hurricane' by The Scorpions and I thought to myself, 'Is it me, or is this just totally out of place and inappropriate?"

-Bob Corry
Bucs fan who witnessed Tampa Bay Cheerleaders dancing to that song during halftime at the Bucs/Saints game.

For Your Convenience, We are Putting You on Hold

Ever want to get help with your ipod and have to wait 15 plus minutes. Not anymore. Just dial 000 at the prompts and say "Operator". For T-Mobil, just say the word "Representative" at any time and it immediatly directs you to a person.

On NPR this week, Paul English was featured in one of their episodes of Morning Edition. Paul English is a blogger that has a page listing many major corporations and how to bypass their customer service pergatory.

In many ways this might be unfair to skip the deligently patient people waiting before you, but it is even more unfair to be putting your customer around in circles for 20 plus minutes. I know with my last tussle with Cingular I waited 20 minutes just to find out that I had to call a different Cingular number. They offered to forward me, but in the end they accidentally hung up on me.

I also want to mention that Paul English also has many other great articles on "great" customer service. Defineatly worth checking out and having it bookmarked for your next Customer Service Two-Step.