Sickapedia (clever, huh)

So I came to a conclusion the other week. I don't like Wikipedia. Infact, I would say it grinds my gears.

The idea of Wikipedia is great, infact I wish it was more of a living breathing website. Eating and digesting tons of data; organizing and categorizing all of its components. Making almost every subject built like a subject of text that you could expand upon. Search for Digital Sound Encoding and you could click on a cyber school that would take you to the basics of sound waves and keep clicking on subjects all the way to you completely understand Digital Encoding. Thats what it was going to be, but it has become something else.

At first it was the whole changing of biographies of politicians that proved how juvenile the internet is. I found this only mildly annoying, and even more funny. You could see the direction that Wikipedia was going. However, I was ok with this. Thats the greatness of having an open forum of opinion.

I use Wikipedia alot for research, its a great place to look if you just don't have a source of obscure knowledge. If I can't find something, I'm sure Wikipedia can point me in the right direction. It is a great source of direction.

What I hate is people who think its reference. People have told me about cool technology that is being worked on or a break through study, I ask, "where did you hear about that" They say, "I read it on Wikipedia". You might as well have told me that "Billy the dishwasher at my favorite greek restaurant who has a friend who works for NASA told me", because it honestly could be the same thing.

A lot of the stuff on Wikipedia is very intelligent and has reliable sources, but at the same time with a few clicks, it could become unreliable.

I nearly snapped the other day in a meeting when a coworker was to bring information about a possible alternate medium. He brought a stack of papers that I had to intergrate into our report. I was thouroughly impressed with the amount of research, when asked what site I could get this info he simply replied, "wikipedia". Are you fucking kidding me. You simply printed the wikipedia site for this subject? That's not research!

Wikipedia does state that "it is not a dictionary" "it is not an encyclopedia" and I truly agree with Wikipedia's stance. I just don't like the fact that people believe that this is a source of information. Its a wonderful forum to find obscure information and point you in the direction of information. It's not a reference of information, but a good start.

I maybe wrong, or maybe I just don't know how to word it.

End of an Era

After 10 years of working at North Shore Cinema, I have officially left the front line of movie exhibition. I recieved a promotion to the corporate level doing IT work and Booth Projection services (I fix the broken projectors). I will now have weekends off and what I here that on Holidays people don't have to work, but can "enjoy" the holiday.

North Shore was my first official job and I've wanted to move on for quite some time. I did a lot of great things there, and I did a lot of bad things. All of which I did while growing up and becoming who I am today. It was a good run, but now I get to join the exciting world of cubicle life.

I would like to thank all the great people I worked with in the past and present (many of you came out last night to celebrate my departure and I appreciate that) and I'd like to thank the people I hated to work with over the last ten years. You taught me patience and helped stress the one thing my mom always said, "You are not always going to work with people you like. Get use to it."

Who Shat on Optimus Prime!

As of lately my gripe has been the Transformers movie. For those who don't know, Michael Bay is directing the remake of the cult 80s phenomenon of Transformers.

It has been known by many that I cannot stand Michael Bay. Its something about his movies that not only bore me to new levels, but his attitude of "and your going to fucken like it" is more then obsurd.

As a childhood fan of Transformers (That is a class 2 on the nerd-o-meter, a Class 1 would quote it constantly, class 2 can identify most characters and have a wonderful childhood story of the franchise, a class 3 buys all the dvds because it faintly looks familiar but never really watches them) I enjoyed the transformers series and one christmas deeply wanted an Optimus Prime, luckly I received it. I remember where I was when I opened it, I remember what end of the box I saw first when I realized what it was and I remember the joints slowly getting weaker and the rubber taste of the tires (don't ask, but they were chewy). I am only mildly offended by the Transformer bastardization.

First I detest that Michael Bay is making this movie. Many people think that I'm taking this too personally but I have two reasons why I'm not. 1. Don't really care about Transformers much more. They were cool and I still think they kind of are. 2. I'm not on the "Oh my god he's ruining a pop icon", its more of a "He's making another movie?" soap box.

Second, the rumors, photos and interviews have all pointed at the fact that Michael Bay has changed the style of truck, color and look of Optimus Prime. This has been an especially hot topic with me and anyone who mentions the movie. I don't believe that this is outragous, but if you are making a remake of a pop culture show, you'd think you'd try to capture the original look.

My good friend Jim, who enjoys pushing my buttons by not only taking a strong stand on this, but get this, he doesn't agree with me either!

The upside of Transformers is in the distance though. Ok, its not really an upside, its more of a morbid curiosity that I see.

1. They just announced that Peter Cullen will do the voice of Optimus Prime. He was the original voice.

2. They announced that Dane Cook might be in the film. I have the feeling that when Dane Cook found out that Michael Bay was shooing Transformers he proceeded to stalk him and yell from a tree overlooking Bays bedroom "Let me be in the movie, I want to be in the movie, I can act, I can act, so help me god I will kill you Michael Bay if you don't let me be in the movie! Don't think I won't do it, I already pee'd in your Chai tea yesterday, tasted good didn't it, well it could end up tasting real bad for you Mr. Bay, I can't be stopped".

We'll see where this travesty ends up.

Ten Things I Hate About Commandments

Got this off of Chris Diclerico's site. Not as funny as the Shinning Trailer, but hilarious none the less.

South Park Emmy

South Park was nominated for an emmy this past week. The funny part, is that it was the episode about Scientology that Issac Hayes said enough is enough on and walked out on.

"Trapped in the Closet" Nominated for a Primetime Emmy!
We're very pleased to announce that the South Park episode "Trapped in the Closet" has been nominated for an emmy in the category of "Outstanding Animated Program (for Programming Less Than One Hour)"

The winners will be announced in August. Best of luck, John & Jane Smith!

What's the Point

Several years back when cable began expanding, they came up with the idea of dedicating certain channels around a specific genre. With the discuss of the Discovery Channel, MTV and QVC, the idea of a channel showing a specific genre for 18 hours was ground breaking. Channels like Comedy Central, ESPN, Cartoon Network, Lifetime, The Learning Channel all began popping up.

When the ability to expand the cable channels even more with the advent of digital cable, the library of genre specific channels grew even more. Showtime 2, HBO Comedy, Tech TV, The Gameshow Network, DIY Network, ESPN 2 and MTV 2 (because they wanted a channel exclusively dedicated to music videos and not be tainted by reality television and spring break specials. *insert punch line by turning on MTV2 now*).

Which brings me to this. Why are they programming shows on channels that have very little to do with the show they are programming. My examples thus far.

G4 TV (channel dedicated to Video Games and Technology) programs The Man Show
Cartoon Network will be programming Pee Wee Playhouse show on the Adult Swim block
The Outdoor Network programs the 2004 MGM Hotel Billiards Champions (its indoors)

I understand that you have to think outside of the box, but at least stay within concept. Even though G4 was quickly circling the drain with its "too cool for the room" reviews, and MTV style news which was usually whatever came up when they typed "news" into Google; it still was interesting to watch. Now all there is are old episodes of The Man Show, oh and don't forget Rides (a show dedicated to pimped out rides, that covers the Technology aspect of the channel, shared only with reruns of Star Trek TNG). If a station is not popular showing its line up, then change the station, don't say its the same loveable station but with something totally different. Revamp and re-sell (*cough* cough TNN *cough *cough).

I understand that television is being redefined by many aspects. In many ways we have devolved as a viewing audience. The barrage of "reality" shows that now plague the air ways (by the way, I can never type the word "plague" without double checking the spelling, thanks to Fred and Big Jim. That's another blog entry), has even been replaced to the thrill of HD. People infact decide what they will watch, not on the quality of the content, but the quality of the image. We have devolved to just watching the pretty images. So why not put girls on trampolines on G4, a former public masturbator on Cartoon Network, and an indoor sport on the Outdoor Network. Basically because thats stupid.

Jaws 3D (without Louis Gosset Jr.)

For those who follow the toy industry, many know that Todd McFarlane is the leader in action figures. The artist who created Spawn went on to create some of the most intricate action figures that have set the standard in collectible plastics.

Earlier this year he announced a line of figures that were 3D recreations of pop culture movie posters and album covers.

Normally I assumed he would do all the Metallic covers and slasher movie posters, but I was happily surprised to see that Jaws was going to be one of the first to debut.

It isn't the most amazing thing in the world, but being a big fan of the classic, its hard to find decent collectibles for Jaws. Its not like Army of Darkness that has 17 different DVDs and thousands of different action figures.

Check out Spawn.com to see many of the other plastic pieces of art out there.

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

"Man, Matt has a great since of humor and knows all the funny shows. I wish I could watch some of the funny shows he knows, but most of them are on cable."

For those who read my five part article about my personal top five shows, many know that I'm a huge fan of "Its Always Sunny in Philadelphia". They are gearing up for the second season on FX and to promote the unadulterated genius of the show they are airing episodes from Season 1 on Fox this Sunday.

The episode they are airing is a good one, not the best, but still a hilarious episode. Please watch and help weigh in on what you think.

Here's a taste of next season:

Im the Happiest/Intoxicated Boy on the Block

So I had a 2 o'clock meeting downtown and I had to waist a hour before the meeting (its a long story). After bumbing around Borders for 20 minutes, I thought, man, I am hungry.

Now where could I go to get a quick bite at 1 o'clock. No matter where I would go it would take 30 minutes to get my food, and then I would have to wolf it down. Then I realized, it only takes a minute to poor a Mug Club of Beer.

Liquid Lunch is by far the best way to do any lunch in a go. Plus, I knew I was only one visit away from receiving my next Mug Club gift.

Needless to say I'm the proud owner of a Rock Bottom Growler Cooler (actually I have an IOU, but none the less, my growlers will no longer go warm).

By the way, the meeting went really well and I'll have a growler cooler. THANK YOU LIQUID LUNCH! YOUR THE BEST!

I Want to Be a Stormtrooper When I Grow Up

For those who have recently starting reading my blog, it might not be clear, but I'm a nerd.


One thing I want to do before I die is build a custom made Storm Trooper costume. I know I will never buy one, because I truly believe it would be ridiculous to buy a Storm Trooper costume for over 1,500 dollars. I hope that some day I have a job that allows me to say, "I think I shall purchase an Imperial Stormtrooper costume this weekend." So I'll have to end up building one.

I'm sure many of you would say, sure you won't spend 1500 dollars for a costume but you will waste 100s of hours and hundreds of dollars building one. I simply respond with, yes. Its a project. A project that includes both skill and creativity, with a touch of artistic craftsmanship. Plus I can brag about it to my other nerd friends.

Some cool sites to look at are:

How to Build a Stormtrooper Costume - they also have a few other Star Wars costumes that I might use as a starter

TK409 - This guy is cool

Star Wars Helmets - A very cool comparison and good pics on Star Wars helmets and professional helmet makers

I've been doing some research and come to the conclusion that I need a team of people, a well vented work area and some money. I have a few friends that are interested in helping and a few that are interested in investing some experimental money, but I still need a vented work area.

Its almost a crazy subculture that creates and wears these things. The venues for this decor are limited. There are your scifi conventions, movie premeires , Holloween and I even saw a Storm Trooper at Miller Park (I was a little drunk but a friend assured me that there was a Storm Trooper wearing a Cheesehead at Miller Parks TGIFridays).

Great Moments in Mediocre Pool

Mr. Kilsdonk did it again this week in our weekly pool game.

This week on one of his breaks he said "I feel good about this one, I think I'll sink the 8 ball on the break."

There were nay sayers in the crowd but sure enough, the eight ball went straight for the side pocket.

For those who don't know, if you sink the 8 ball on the break you win instantly.

I've seen it done about a half dozen times, I've done it a hand full of times. I've never seen anyone call it and then actually made good on their statement. My advice is to Jeff, NEVER CALL IT AGAIN. Go with the fact that you have a 100% accuracy on the art of calling the 8 ball break. Next time you do sink the 8 ball on the break just go, "huh, didn't expect that, usually I have a feeling about the 8 ball break. Oh well. I WON!"

Huge Miscommunication or Feeble Attempt at Sweeps

"Freezing weather and severe icing claim a life on the Cornelia Marie."

That was the descripition on this weeks episode of The Deadliest Catch. The documentary series about the life on an Alaskan crab fishing boat. Its not really a reality show because there are no physical challenges obstacle courses and people don't have to get along to win the million dollars. They've talked with people who saw people die while fishing and they've talked wtih people that fell over, they even showed someone fall over once. But no matter how many ways you read the description, I was convinced that someone was goign to get it.

All week I was thinking, whose going to die, will they show it. How will it effect the show.

In the end, one of the fishermen rolled his ankle. Really hard.

How does that constitute a claiming of a life?

Anyway, I believe that either the guy at the computer who types in all the info never saw the show and either was lied to about the description for sweeps, or he took it upon him self and assumed they ment someone died.

I'm glad no one died, but if I'm told someone is going to die, someone best die.

Memorial Day

"Although no sculptured marble should rise to their memory, nor engraved stone bear record of their deeds, yet will their remembrance be as lasting as the land they honored. "

~Daniel Webster


thank you

I've always said that if you love your technology, it will love you back. So this little piece is my dedication to my technology components that, yes, I could live without, but it wouldn't be the same.

My DVR. Though I don't own you, I love you. Its a Scientific Atlanta Explorer 8000. If you read any reviews of the DVR and its brethren, you will come to the conclusion that it sucks. In many ways it does. Many are prone to overheating, harddrives breaking, and having a boot cycle that could give a commodore 128 a run for its money. But its mine and the only one I can choose through Time Warner Cable, Milwaukees monopoly for cable companies. (by the way, if you are reading this and you heard a distant yell from the north west of Milwaukee, that was thousands of people yelling at once, "at least its not Charter Cable")

Besides the fact that I can watch all my shows that I love at a drop of a remote, I can also fast forward through commercials. There are pros and cons to this and that is what the bulk of this article is about.

I do not miss a handful of commercials. I tend to smile when I see the mere glimpses of an Old Navy commercial fly by, or a commercial about foot fungus, or a poorly made commercial about explaining how an evil corporation missed a big loss by settling with some putz who was going to go with Hupey Hupey and Sons. These commercial don't appeal to me, get under my skin and gets me kicked out of most malls when I throw my Orange Julius at a manikin wearing fleece.

But I'm not anti commercial, they serve there purpose and I understand why they are there. I do however stop the old DVR for a couple of good ones. Mike's Hard Beverage, Nextel and Fruit of the Loom are quality commercials that make me chuckle. I've even been known to stop at the new Heiniken commercials just to jam out to the Pussy Cat Dolls (don't tell anyone, that's our little secret).

DVR technology is such a guilty pleasure that it can screw up your life. When I first got it I thought "Ha, Now I control my tv and not the other way around" Now its more like "Must.....watch......more........AHHH DVR TRIAGE. Who will live who will die, how can one decide, but I must make room for the A-team marathon."

The DVR is a wicked mistress and the power should be respected. One shouldn't have theirs full of episodes of Murphy Brown or American Chopper, but I believe that people shouldn't just flip through the channels and end up watching whatever is on.

So to sum things up, my DVR is wonderful. Sure it makes me feel a little less human, but at the same time, I feel a little more American.

Number 1

continued from my earlier article My Top 5 Funniest Shows

1. Scrubs
Tuesday 730pm NBC











I started watching Scrubs this season after a recommedation from a friend. I avoided the show from seeing the commercials thinking it was too off the wall. After watching this season alone, I find that I have some making up to do.

In its fifth season, Scrubs follows a group of young doctor interns trying to find their nitch in the medical field only to be stopped by personal differences, difficult patients, even more difficult doctors, and a janitor out to get them.

There is something about this show that I really enjoy. Many people might not find the humor as unique and hilarious as I do, I start to smile when the first joke hits and don't stop until the end of the show. It does have its off the wall comedy, and machine gun type dialouge, but its unique approach at moving the story and combining the plotlines of each character through J.D.s monologue is one of its greatest appeals.

In its 5 year run so far it has only won one emmy for Best Multi-Camera Picture Editing in a Series, I still find the show enjoyable. Though not for everyone, I think this show is one of the more unique comedies currently on the air.

BUT WHAT ABOUT.... AWARD!

This list was of My Top 5 Comedy Shows Currently on the Air. There are several other shows not currently on the air that I would consider to be brilliant-all-time-hilarious-shows-of-enjoyment. However, they are not on air. However there is one show that I must let everyone know about because season 2 starts up this July.

KEEP AN EYE OUT AWARD

Its Always Sunny in Philadelphia







Sundays 9pm FX
new season starts in July

I started watching Its Always Sunny in Philadelphia last year towards the tail end of the show. Somehow I got sucked into the Emmy Award winning show on FX, Rescue Me. During a commercial break they had a commercial for IASIP and I thought it was the funniest thing I saw in a long time. I had to watch, and luckily it was next up.

IASIP is about three long time friends of complete different personalities who come together and buy a small run down Irish bar in Philadelphia. There three egos fill the room as they conflict about every aspect of how the bar should be run, how each other is inferior to the next, and what is wrong with each other. A dismal premise, but skewed with charm and comedy, IASIP keeps you laughing even when the end joke is obvious.

The shows dark comedy won't appeal to everyone and at times might even deter you. To say that the eisodes are a morality tale would only be true from the point of view of the characters who twistidly spiral ethics, morals and beliefs down the drain. The characters of IASIP does have the knack of making any bad moral storyline and end up doing the right thing, and then patting themselves on the back for such an accomplishment. Wheather it be to allow underage drinking in their bar so that kids have a safe environment to drink in, to fullfilling a war heros dying request to be buried in his uniform (the uniform of a Nazi), or even wondering why their former gym teacher who is accused of child molestation, never touched them growing up ("Look at this face, your not saying I was cute enough!").

I will post when they officially announce the new season date, you are even welcome to come over and enjoy some Pizza Shuttle while I watch it on FX. Until then, try to download it somewehere, or if you ask nice enough, Kevin Neville and I will gladly act out most of the season.

Number 2

continuing from my article My Top 5 Funniest Programs

2. South Park
Wednesdays 9pm Comedy Central











Oh man, what can I say about South Park. Depending on the season and the mood I'm in, this show could easily be my number one favorite show. South Park has been scrutenized since day one by everyone for everything. I will admit that I've found many episodes to be offensive or "over the top" or "oh no you didn't" or "ah man, Tom Cruise is going to kill them!"

South Park is the show that kept Comedy Central on the air. For those who don't remember, Comedy Central use to be a premium cable channel that basically showed Saturday Night Live episodes and standup comedians from the late 70s and early 80s. Then in 96, a pair of jerks made comedic genious come from the mouths of paper children. Since then, political correctness is just a catch phrase.

I've found the last two seasons to be somewhat subpar. Only every other episode causes me to bust a gut, where as the other episodes just make me do that akward laugh. You know that laugh that you give when someone really drunk is yelling about funny their pathetic life is, but deep down they are really serious.

Every week I look forward to seeing what topic they will hit up, or what subject they will over step. When they are down for the season, I gleafully watch earlier episodes I have on my computer.

South Park isn't for everyone, but I think everyone should watch it. Someday they will make fun of you, and you will truly understand the meaning, "its only a television show" And if you are like me, you might just laugh at yourself.

Number 3

continued from my earlier article My Top 5 Funniest Shows

3. My Gym Partner is a Monkey
Friday 8pm Cartoon Network













One day at work, I took the time to watch the preshow commercials on one of our films. I saw an ad for 'My Gym Partner is a Monkey' and immediately I was intrigued. I was also angered that these useless annoying ads actually informed me of something.

'My Gym Partner is a Monkey' is about Adam Lyon gets transfered from his middle school due to a computer typo, he is sent to a middle school for zoo animals and is assigned Jake Spidermonkey as a gym partner.

As an fan of Ren and Stimpy, I find much of the humor from MGPIAM to be remenisant of this earlier classic. Its unique story lines and immature situations, give this animated show a throwback compared to what most modern animated shows are. Its a show that I easily laugh at but doesn't generate the standard situation comedy one liners that many shows do now a days. The fact that it is a cartoon it takes me back to way back (the early 90s) when I was a complete nerd, oppose to now where I seek that completeness.

Number 4

continuing from my article My Top 5 Funniest Programs

4. The Office
Thursday 830 pm NBC









Following My Name is Earl on the Thursday night line up is the US version of The Office. Many people have tried to argue with me that the BBC version of The Office is much funnier the the American version, and many believe that the American version is just a cheap rip off.

I've watched both and even though I don't work in an office type setting, I tend to relate more to the humor of the American version then the BBC. Both are very funny, and infact both are overseen by the same creators.

*beware, side note. After reading Goggins' Blog, I had to make a side note*
Many people have also complained that the humor rips off the film, Office Space. These are also the same people who quote "Looks like somebody has a case of the mondays" on Monday, thinking they are funny, but the sick true irony is that they are just as annoying as the character in the film, who thinks they are funny.
*we return to the review in progress*

Though the comedy seems forced at times, and some of the "office drama" is repetively overdone; the situations are unique as the characters. And thats a key part to good comedy, it is the people in those unique sitations and how the react. The Office, gives us a bit more with its candid interviews letting us see what the characters are thinking in the cut throat world of paper sales.

My Top 5 Funniest Programs

As of lately I've been watching more and more situation comedies since my installation of my DVR. About 10 years ago I fell out of the comedies in a time where every show was either Friends or Seinfeld, I ended up pretty much only watching cartoons and dramas that were X-Files or X-Files related.

Now in the age of DVR technology where tv doesn't control my life, I tend to spend more and more time watching television that I normally wouldn't watch or remember to find time to watch. Now I give you my list of my 5 favorite comedies currently in production.

Runner Up:
Cheap Seats
Fridays 930pm ESPN
rr Everynite, 930pm ESPN Classics










This show is not a situation comedy in the regular since, but is a practical perfect mixture of bad ESPN and MST3K.

There are two different kinds of people, those who can tell you what ESPN stands for, and those who can tell you what MST3K stands for. Cheap Seats stars Randy and Jason Sklar (most noted for being in every list show that VH1 every produced. No not the gay comedians, the two brothers). Good stuff, not great, but good stuff. If you enoy poorly produced sporting events from the 70s or 80s, or enjoy to watch the mochary of you childhood stars like John Elway Gorman Thomas; then this is the show for you.

Honorable Mention:
House, M.D.
Tuesdays 8pm FOX
syn. Friday 10pm USA










It's not a comedy but the dry sense of humor and the characterization that has formed among its ensemble has drawn me in and wanting more and more of the medical analytical babble that makes my brain shut off. Hugh Laurie plays a sinicle and even more mysterious doctor super genius, Gregory House. The dry humor is subtle enough to smother the "to cool for the room" attitude that House radiates. If you have never seen this show, you must watch 3 episodes. They really only have 3 different show formulas so if you watch 3 episodes you'll get a good feeling of the show.

And now my top 5 Comedies that are Currently Airing:

5. My Name is Earl
Thursdays 8pm NBC












Earl Hickey is a common criminal with the worst case of luck. After winning the lottery and almost being killed immediately after, he learns from the wise Carson Daily that Kharma is the reason for his bad luck. Earl and his brother set out to do good about all the bad things Earl has done in his life, so he makes a list of all the malfeasons. Though I am not a major fan of Jason Lee and on many levels, despise Jamie Pressely, the interesting situations and the perspective Earl takes to many of lifes challenges is hilarious.


I will continue my list throughout the week....... post your lists as well, I have more DVR space.

Happy Easter Everyone

My Easter Resolution is to post everyday this week.

Idiot

And I'm the fool who gave away my Ford Escort.

This guy built an authentic Luke Skywalker landspeeder from the body of a Ford Escort. Sold it on E-bay in the U.K. for 6,500 pounds (11,360.05 U.S. dollars).

I would have been the Belle of the ball.

Crazy Busy

I have been crazy busy lately. Between getting sick, the kick ass Brewer season starting, my DVR piling up, and endless fruitless work. I feel I've been neglecting my blog. It's almost to the point where I have so much to say, I don't know what to say and end up just posting a video clip as an excuse of something interesting or funny. I almost feel as if my life has become a small kitty that some one keeps sticking a hammer in its face. Just think how annoyed I would be, but yet tend to keep my cuteness to an almost vicious level. I can almost see it now.



To recap. The difficulty of life is the hammer, I am the kitty. I am vicious, but you can't help but laugh at my relentless struggle to fight it off with the pitter patter of my paws. Feel my pain, and laugh at my expense.

It Will Knock You Back On Your Coal Minning Asses

Many people are unaware that I'm a chosen prophet for Heatvision and Jack. It is my mission to make sure everyone sees Heatvision and Jack.

Heatvision and Jack was a pilot written by Milwaukees own Rob Schrab and Dan Harmon. These two comedic geniuses met up with a fairly unknown comic Ben Stiller and shot the pilot for what would have been a great series called Heatvision and Jack.

The story is about Nasa Astronaut Jack Austin (Jack Black) who got too close to the sun, making his brain (which works much like cookie dough) expand to become the smartest man in the world. Knowing that Nasa would not allow the world to know what happened to him he escapes. After being hit with an experimental Nasa ray, Jacks unemployed roommate (Owen Wilson)becomes melded with his motorcylce becoming Heatvision. Together Heatvision and Jack try to escape Ron Silver (himself), a talented actor and a Nasa trained killer, running for their lives, blocked at every turn, by adventure.

Spread the good word of HVAJ and let the world know about it. The series was not picked up by NBC or Fox 8 years ago, but HVAJ live on winning awards at film festivals and even rumors of a full length movie happening. Enjoy

I give you what you want.

New Car (well to me at least)

I purchased a new car this week, and I went with a used 2001 Ford Taurus. I like it, its in pristine condition and is very comfortable for me.

I hope I get many miles out of it. I'm making a promise to keep it extremely clean and not let it go to shit like my last car.

Chuck Norris

After Kitzke saw this video, he died. Only to have Chuck Norris come in and revive him with a kiss.



Chuck Norris Facts

There Will Be No Chef Aid

I recently heard that Issac Hayes will be leaving South Park. When I first heard this I yelled back, "What!". The person explained, "He's leaving because he's too offened by South Park"
I yelled back "Its South Park! He was always offended by them! Why now!"
The person shook his head "I don't know." I sipped my beer, "Well, they gave him back his career, I guess that's grounds for seperation." My friend lifted his glass, "true, I like Issac Hayes now too since South Park"

After further internet investigating I found that Issac Hayes is a scientologist and after the debut of the "Trapped in the Closet" episode, Issac Hayes called Matt Stone and Trey Paker religous bigots. I simply respond, "It's South Park!"

Trey Parker explained in a recent interview that South Park had poked fun on Muslims, Christians, Mormons and I believe in one episode the Jewish religion was brought up, but they always stayed clear of Scientology because they new Issac was a Scientologist and they thought he was cool. Well this last season they went up to Isaac and said, its got to happen, they have to do something to Scientology. I respond with, of course, because "Its South Park!"

Matt Stone says:
This has nothing to do with intolerance and bigotry and everything to do with the fact that Isaac Hayes is a Scientologist and that we recently featured Scientology in an episode of 'South Park.' In ten years and over 150 episodes of 'South Park,' Isaac never had a problem with the show making fun of Christians, Muslims, Mormons and Jews. He got a sudden case of religious sensitivity when it was his religion featured on the show. To bring the civil rights struggle into this is just a non-sequiter. Of course we will release Isaac from his contract and we wish him well.

But the boys of South Park aren't dead and won't kill off one of their more popular characters. Chef will return in yet another season. All of his dialouge will be taken from previous episodes and rehashed for our enjoyment. Seeing that they were recorded within his contract there doesn't seem to be any further action from the Hayes Camp, but I'm sure South Park will cross the line somewhere to get us to say, "damn". And do you know why I know this, because its South Park! and thats what they do.

My Car

Well for those of you who don't know, my car is practically dead. Infact, I should know the doctors verdict tomorrow. Doesn't look good. Terminal.

To say I loved my ford escort would be an understatement. My ford escort helped me do great things, drove me all over this state going to theatres and fixing things. Got into some close calls with my Escort and had many more memorible victories. The best way to say I loved my car would be compare the love that Ike had for Tina. It made me do it to it because I loved it.

Now I call upon my readers (both of you), to help me make a decision. My options are to get a Ford Focus (new) or a used car. I really need other peoples input on this one. If I new cars like I know movies, I wouldn't have "Iked" up my last car. I want my next car to be right. Love is more then a second hand emotion and I don't mean the back of the hand. My options are.

1. Brand New Ford Focus
2. Used car
3. Any other kind of new car for under 13,000

What will be my next car. Your input is needed.

Nachooooooo

I like toast.

This is one of the few movies I'm looking forward to. I have high hopes for this one and believe it will not be a one joke wonder.

Survivorman

I found this new series on the Science Channel (a subchannel of Discovery), Survivorman. The premise is man overcomes nature in everyday situations against all odds. Les Stroud (teacher, musician and filmmaker) takes us into many different climates and shows us how to survive in "everyday" situations. While dirt biking in the desert, you dirt bike breaks. While flying a commuter plane in the Canadian north, you crash. While sailing in the great deep blue, your boat sinks. Uncommon situations at any given time that calls for ones survival.

My interest in the subject matter was instantaneous. Man against nature has always appealed to me, and the feeling of what accomplishment it would be to survive in unfamiliar climates and environments is very appealing. The term "roughing it"is far beyond tents and sleeping bags.

The show starts off by explaining to us what the situation is, dirt biking gone bad in the desert. Then we get a brief history of the environment and what supplies Les is left with. Usually he is given clothes, bottle of water and a multitool. In the dirt biking episode, he is also left the broken dirt bike to salvage.

After this the camera crew leaves and he is left to survive for 7 days to accomplish a goal (get to a check point or find civilization), survive and document everything. At this point the production crew leaves him with not only what he has been given but two cameras and a weeks worth of batteries and tapes.

The show goes on, day by day as Les talks to us in a mixture of diary and instructional video on how to survive and how he is surviving. The show is more then interesting and appealing, but amazing how Les has to shoot the whole thing by himself. He continues to explain how he has to set up the camera, walk down the path, then come back for the camera. Many of the small tricks and skills to survive are scattered between Les critiques of how he is doing.

I have watched 3 of the 9 episodes that have been aired and my interest is dwindling. Though if find the settings beautiful and motivates me to get off the beaten path, the show is more of a "how awesome I am" feel to it.

Les spends as much time explaining how hard it is to setup the cameras for survival that we begin not to think, how is he going to survive, but how is he going to document him surviving. It becomes more about him then the actual situations. It is understandable that he is the only character and in fact the only subject matter, but the way he over dramatizes many subtle situations and talks in a candid matter about obscure survival skills, you almost root against him.

However, in a world of bad reality television and far and few decent sitcoms, Survivorman is interesting and gets me motivated to get off the beaten path this summer.

Transparent Monitors

I have always thought this trick is cool. The simplicity of it all is what I like, its a simple trick done with some time and lighting that can either look really good, or really bad.


Lots of people have been posting the Transparent Monitor for a while and I found a list of some good ones. Enjoy and get a good laugh.

If History has Taught us Anything

Recently, Digital Playground, has announced that they will be releasing their product in Blu Ray oppose to HD-DVD.

For those who don't know (Including myself), I have been told that Digital Playground is a large producer of adult entertainment (well I never), infact one of the larger distributors of Adult Entertainment DVDs (and yet I've never heard of them, hmm).

Many people aren't aware that we are in yet another media war. Like the wars in the past, this one is two opposing formats on the verge of colliding to decide who will be the victor. Many are aware that Beta was beaten out by the inferior VHS due to the adult entertainments decision to go VHS. Many would say the viability of the internet would not be as strong without adult entertainment, and I tend to agree that anytime the adult industry dips their fingers in something (absolutely no pun intended, but yet I giggle) it sticks (ok, now I'm laughing).

With the Blu Ray vs HD-DVD battle raging on, the fact that one of the kings in Adult Entertainment Video is going Blu Ray is a triumph. Mind you a triumph that probably won't be used by the Best Buy sales staff when you ask, "Which is better Blu Ray or HD-DVD"

The Intimidator!

Monday night, in the midst of our drunken pool playing, we talked about stepping up our skillz (with a Z) to twice a week. In the morning I went to the McDermott website to check on prices to modify my cue.

I truly believe McDermott cues are some of the finest pool cues made. I also believe this because they are made right here in Wisconsin since 1975. I was given a McDermott cue for Christmas a couple years back and hold it high as not only one of the finest gifts I’ve received, but one of my prized properties. Though it was a gift and I treasure it, I wanted to add some weight to it seeing that I prefer a heavier cue. While perusing the site I found one of McDermott’s Press Releases from earlier this year, it announced the Intimidator. One of the most expensive pool cues ever made.

Going a mere 150,000 dollars, the Intimidator is a hand crafted pool cue formed from an 82 pound stainless steel, dawned with Obsidian gemstones and 25K gold. Did I mention it has blades like a Celtic war axe? Yeah.

The thing that amazes me even more besides the outrageous look and price, it’s the weight. Remember how I said I preferred a heavier cue, and was looking to modify mine to have more weight? 20 oz is considered pretty heavy for a cue, and I like about 25 oz. The Intimidator weighs 9.25 pounds.

Many people would agree that this cue is more for decoration as a status symbol then a workable cue. But quite honestly, can you even play with a cue that has a battle axe in the butt and almost 10 pounds of steal. You should be able to play at least one decent game with the worlds most expensive cue. Next time I go to the McDermott store I'll ask to take the Intimidator for a spin.

Monday Night Pool

Every Monday night I go to Landmark Lanes on the east side and play pool with a couple of friends. Couple weeks ago I was fortunate enough to almost run the table, and missed it by burying the cue ball behind a solid, blocking my shot from the 8 ball. Disappointing, but still very satisfying.

Last night when we were partnered off, my partner, Jeff Kilsdonk, fulfilled what I couldn't do. After his break he proceeded to run the whole table, shot by shot, ball by ball and we won. It was amazing and we won that series.

Congrats to Jeff and it was awesome to witness. I know I have to bring my 'A' game when he's not my partner, and I can half ass it when he is.

Go Crew Go

This will truly be a great year for the Milwaukee Brewers. Yes many say, baseball died in the fast pace world of todays modern adolecent, but I say Neh. Neh I say!

In honor of the Crew's pre-banner-season, a couple of us have formed a Milwaukee Brewers Blog. We will voice many of our opinions and rants, but most of the time we will praise and chart our favorite teams road to victory. Please visit.

http://www.gocrew.blogspot.com/

It will also be featured on the side bar.

How Many Hog heads to the gallon?

I'm the kind of person who knows useless knowledge but sometimes lack "common knowledge". For instance, I don't know how many hog heads are in a gallon, or the prefix codes for Quam, or the proper flag signals for an industrial crane. I tell you, it can be almost embarrasing in certain circles.

One night while watching Mythbusters, Jamie, one of the hosts, mentioned the little black book that should be in everyones tool box. It was called 'The Pocket Ref'. It contains endless amounts of useful information and rounded out with "useless" info. Perfect for anyone from engineers/technicians in various fields to Alcaholics sitting on a bar stool arguing about the weight of Carbon (sounds like my average workday).

I bought one at Borders (despite going on the web and their website saying they were out of stock, the person at the desk saying they had one copy in General Fitness, and the person who showed me where it was saying "that has nothing to do with refereering") for only 12 bucks. I've had it only a few weeks now and have used it on quite a few occasions.

I like to say its a book that contains everything you should know, but don't have the time to remember, and a book you must have near you when you don't have access to the internet (i.e. a barstool). Go to your local book store and buy yourself a copy. Its priced right and is a fun page turner.

Mario Bros. LIVE on stage

This is a video I found while browsing around Google Video. Its a bit long and gets repetitive, but I couldn't help but watch the whole thing.

I like to think that these 4 kids were social outcasts in High School until the day of the talent show when they put this bit on and became the coolest kids for a day. The next day they were casted out once again.

Peter Benchley Dies

On Saturday morning Peter Benchley (author of the book 'Jaws') died at the age of 65. Many people would say he wasn't that good of an author, and many say that Spielberg changed the book so much that you almost can't compare the two. I say he was a great pulp author and a great man who did good things with his popularity.

I don't know about you but I'm going to pop in one of my 5 copies of Jaws in the DVD player or VCR (yes I still own one) in memory of him, or I'll actually finish his book "The Island" (no connection with Michael Bays waste of emulsion)

Pirates of the Caribbean 2 Meeting Notes

Producer: "Remember that scene in the first Pirates where Jonny Depp had that really kick ass intricate sword fight with Orlando Bloom?"

Director: "Yeah"

Producer: "Remember how we said it was too long and silly?"

Director: "Yeah"

Producer: "Well people ended up really liking it, so we want you to have another sword fight in the sequel."

Director: "hmm"

Producer: "Yeah, except having them in some spinning apparatus rolling down a hill and have shit hitting them and going all over the place, you know stuff like that. I want our Peter Jackson Bronto scene but in a Pirates sword fight way"

Director: "hmmm, so make it even longer and sillier"

Producer: "Fuck yes."

Hecklers Not Close Enough

This year, right field at Miller Park will look different. A new picnic area has been installed next to the away teams bull pen. In a motif that resembles a make-shift concentration camp, fans can get up close and personal with the opposing team with only a chain link fence seperating them. If that wasn't enough, they also furnished a large plexi glass window over looking the visitors bull pen, perfect for making "squishy faces" or even mooning your favorite opponent. Retaliation will not be a problem, seeing that Miller Park will be giving every visitor a Brewers replica batting helmet.

Many say with a price tag between 39 and 69, it will only attract the sophisticated rich, so none of the before mentioned will happen. As a frequent visitor to the suites and box seats, those people are the worst. They tend to lack not only knowledge of the team and sport, but the class to be in public. Don't even get me started on their offspring.

If I was asked if this was a good idea, I would consider it. If they said, "We are going to get rid of our manual scoreboard which is a classic throw back to the sports beginings, that we have preserved in our stadium of the future to remind us of our roots." I would laugh hard, take a sip of water, wipe away the forming tear from laughing and look up to see a group of serious faces staring at me. And thats exactly what they did.

Now to not sound like a hypocrite, I will consider going to the pen before I stand thouroughly behind my statement. I have seen it in the outfield under construction during my visits to TGIFridays this winter. The fact that the price is all inclusive for food and drink is very appealing, I just don't believe the cost of a manual scoreboard in right field is wise. Even though many say it will be a delightful experience to take the family or coworkers out to.

I don't want to hear marketing people's take on this, or how its in other stadiums, or how the chances of getting an Home Run ball are estounding when you sit in the "Dog Pen" (thats my name for it), I want to hear what Jeremy Burnitz thinks on April 3rd.

Oprah Feels Duped, again

Last year during Oprah Winfrey’s “Teachers are Great” episode, Oprah showered her teacher guests with extravagant gifts. Oprah chooses only the best of select items she discovered during that year. One of the things she found was Christianity, and instantly felt it to be the greatest religion ever. Everyone in the audience got a complimentary baptismal. “At first I wasn’t sure, being a devoted Jew, but its Oprah” Tammy Shaumstein (28, Chicago Illinois) “In fact it was the only gift she gave where I could afford the tax on it.”

Oprah believed the book The Bible, was an awe-inspiring book that both touched her and made her see and understand things she not only already knew, but knew were great.

After watching a recent History channel special, Oprah Winfrey (famous talk show host) learned that there are flaws in the accuracy of the popular book the Bible. At first she contested it, believing that the writings of the apostles were transcribed from the voice of god. But eventually outside organizations and other blogs convinced her, she was duped.

This Week on Oprah, Oprah Winfrey invited Jesus on the show to call him out. In front of her studio full of followers, she apologized for leading them astray and duping them. Jesus explained that yes a few of the stories were embellished but the meaning and underlining story is true. The idea is true. When Oprah read a part of the book about turning water into wine and asked Jesus to perform this “miracle”, Jesus paused, and explained “the idea was that we could…..” “Idea Jesus, you mean lie.”

The interview went on and during the commercial breaks, one could see that Oprah was not only sad, but frustrated that she believed the Bible was fact. During most commercial breaks you can see the joy in her as she continues talk with her guest, none of this warm banter was shared with her algid/former savior.

Jesus had no defense to the accusations or proof that contested what many blogs have scientifically investigated; he only apologized to Oprah and her followers, apologized for their soul. The crowd booed.

Quote of the Moment

"The first song that I heard is 'Rock You Like a Hurricane' by The Scorpions and I thought to myself, 'Is it me, or is this just totally out of place and inappropriate?"

-Bob Corry
Bucs fan who witnessed Tampa Bay Cheerleaders dancing to that song during halftime at the Bucs/Saints game.